Cédric Charlier Resort 2014
Sana
Alam ko….pagsisishan ko rin ang lahat pagdating ng panahon…
at dumating na yun!NGAYON….=’(
yung mga bagay na hinayaan kong mangyari kahit dapat may gawin ako..
yung mga panahong pinalagpas ko dahil sinasabi kong hindi ko kaya….i dont belong….i dont care…
na dapat sana pinagbigyan ko….
hindi ko hinayaang makapasok ung mga taong alam kong somehow…nag reach out sakin…
hindi ko hinayaang mapakinggan man lng nug mga gusto nilang iparating….kasi …….isinara ko ng ganunganun nlng ang aking sarili sa mga sinasabi nila…kasi…
natutu na ako….nasaktan ako…at ayaw ko ng mgtiwala…..
tinanggalan ko ng karapatan ang aking sairli para lumaya…..dahil….siguro..takot akong ……..
masaktan muli….kasi alam kong kapag nagbukas muli ako ng pinto…..bulag ako sa kung sino sa mga gustong pumasok ang totoo at hindi…….
minsan na akong nilumpo ng aking tadhana….
nawala na sakin ang mga pangarap…na hanggang ngayon….hinahanap ko parin…
minsan na akong sumuko….
kinalimutan ko ang bawat responsibilidad na naka atang sa aking mga balikat …isinawalang bahala ang mga importanteng bagay at nagliwaliw….
kahit saan ako dalhin ng aking mga paa……kahit saan..basta malau sa totoo kong mundo………
nakahanap ako ng matutuluyan….ngunit sa maling paraan..alam ko..ramdam ko ngunit…..dahil wala akong masilungan sa gitna ng unos ng aking buhay,…….
ginusto ko…..
ngunit sa pagdaan ng panahon…naging malayu na ang narating ng aking pagpapasakit sa sarili….
marami na akong nasayang na oras…at lakas….pagkakataon…na sana nung dumating…kinuha ko agad…
oo….. nakakahiya man ngunit..nagsisisi ako…..
hindi dahil sa lahat ng nawala…kundi dahil…hinayaan kong may mawala sa akin …….
minsan na akong nawalan..at ayoko ng mangyari muli iyon..
kung sana pwde pang ibalik ang kahapon…
pero hindi na..masyado nang malau….tapos na ang lahat..ngunit may buhay pa ngaun…
at hanggat sumusikat ang araw….may pag asa akong ….kumpunihin muli ang mga pangarap na nabasag…..
maaaring hindi ko na makita ANG mga hinahanap ko…o mabuong muli ang mga bagay na….nasira….
magsisimula akong muli…………magsisikap….at iwawaglit ang bawat pagsisising nadarama ko…..dahan dahan….
ngunit sa ngaun hindi ko pa maaaring maiwala iyon sa isip ko…pero paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili kong hindi dapat,…dahil kung tutuusin…ginusto ko iyon…..=’|
at ngaun na nasa akin na muli ang pagkakataon….alam ko ito na ang simula….muli akong bumabangon sa putik ng pagsubok….paunti unti…matututu akong muli…..magtitiwala ng kaonti …at pipiliting hanapin ang kaligayahan sa gitna ng matinding pagsubok ng buhay.makakaya ko..dahil nandito parin nman ang mga taong hindi umalis sa aking tabi…
heto ako ngaun….alam ko…magtatagumpay ako..para sa mga pangako kong nasambit matagal na..para sa isang taong hindi nagsawang maniwala sa aking kakayanan…..maniniwala akong muli sa aking sarili…bubuo akong muli ng mga panibagong pangarap …na syang magdadala sakin sa kung saan man ako dalhin ng kung anung kinaya kong ibigay….oo ibibigay ko ang lahat lahat…..para mabuhay…at magtagumpay…….
dahan dahan…unti unti….maghihilom din ang sugat…at matatanggap ko ang kahapon…..aahon ako…at palalakasin ang loob sa bawat hamong darating…..hindi na ako matatakot…..
mangangarap akong muli…..hindi pa sa ngaun pero darating ang panahong..malalaman ko din kung anu tlaga ang pangarap na para sakin……..
alam ko………magiging maaus din ang lahat…….sana..hindi pa huli…sana kaya ko….=”(
Oh,cant u c wer so confuseD
lyk opening a dooR dats close
we Try 2 hide and waLk away
but aLl we wanteD s 2 stay
wEr letTing go we doNt want 8 th0ugH
and fr0m dat day on weVe bin singing dis s0ng
anD 8s d chancEs wd hav 2 stEer
so,wer do we go fr0m here..
lyk opening a dooR dats close
we Try 2 hide and waLk away
but aLl we wanteD s 2 stay
wEr letTing go we doNt want 8 th0ugH
and fr0m dat day on weVe bin singing dis s0ng
anD 8s d chancEs wd hav 2 stEer
so,wer do we go fr0m here..
“
awaY
I remember a time when you asked me if ‘i could’..
And I didnt answer
then such instance came when you told me ‘I should’ ..
So I do just what you said and I did it
when I got home with my two hands holding the grip,you were gone all of a sudden
and I was left alone without a word
cause I know I can never prove myself nomore..
Youre gone and now all I can do is watch these dreams slowly fade away
both of you away from me ;’(
im ready
..it took me so long before i could say i can do this..
but for that long….i guess its time to move on ….
i know it wont be that easy to start all over again..but i know i will…slowly get over it
and i hope i wont sound so naive bout letting things go and forgetting thing from the past..
cuz theres just things better best forgotten and words better left unsaid…to prevent one from hurtin, and to stop the wounds from bleeding…
though i know from time to time i wont be able to keep the promise of not remembering the days gone by…
for i will still find myself looking back on those times, crying for those years, and still chasing after those memories….but i know this time i will be stronger….
stronger to stand up after every downfall
wiser to decide after every failed choices
clever to play lifes games
and courageous enough to face lifes adversaries without giving up as an option…
strong enough to smile after each pains and heartaches…
and compose enough to do things….in order….
time wont always be there for me .and although life wont always be fair..
i guess i just have to stop asking for a perfect world, and look for happiness…
its both ones choice (a perfect life and happy life)
and i guess, ill just wait for the right time…when happiness would be the one to look for me
and that perfect life is laid in front of me….
all i have to do is to feel good about myself…that i may not be beautiful..but im fine…i am me and i am true…
to do things the way they have to be done and not to expect more than what you cant see yet…
and to live as if, its just today…and tomorrow will always be another day….
im ready for a change!!!!!! B-|
My firsT brokenheart
Even if it cost me the whole world or my dreams…but if there would be a time and a chance …to see HIM again….Id most probably, precisely grab the opportunity..just to be with that man again..
HE has always been my fan…my believer…and my courage…and id used to be his great escape, whenever everything falls down into pieces…when no one understands but only him around, when im lost in space and i couldnt get up…hes always there and when i reach for a hand..his hands and arms never fail to reach out….I knew it in my heart, if i fall out and stumble..he will always be my restback…yes, my souldier, my KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOR…HE is my first BOYFRIEND, my first KISS, and my first TOUCH…hes my LOVER and i had no doubt on that coz i can count on him and he will always be around…HE loves me„and i love him so much……
But yes!, time changes..(and feelings may be..) and everyone, everthing around does…and the fact that truth really hurts almost tear my heart apart to accept..that it wouldnt be THE SAME AS BEFORE…ANYMORE..;’(
And whether i like it or not…i have to go on, i have to change, i have to choose between the path that is laid in front of me now….THIS IS LIFE…and i know o have to make up my mind…its either ill let time pass me by….and stand still or move on…and follow the road where life takes me to…
At some point,…ive learned to lie and pretend..and i know , ive fooled myself enough to finally decide that i should be living my life onward with my head held high, no expectations and keep my attention on those things that has always kept me going ..through the years….and TRY my best to atleast build NEW SET OF DREAMS to look forward to…and TRY it ONCE MORE….and BELIEVE in myself again…
HES gone..and even i couldnt help myself from feelig alone and empty inside most of the time…, to think of HIM all the time..even if untill now i couldnt accept that he LEFT..and even it still brings me to shed TEARS from time to time…i know…HED WANT ME TO DO THE SAME ….to be strong in facing lifes challenges…to stand up and stood still in the midst of trials….
and i hope, after all those EDS, STARTS, TURNS..AND BREAKS…Hell still be PROUD of me…and once again..ill get the chance to hear these words for so long..from him saying…
‘MAGALING KA..KAYA MO YAN..!!!ANAK KITA EH!!!’
iGnore those people who’s Always talkiNg nEgative BEhind YOur BAck..
that’s whEre thEy Belong…
BEHIND YOU
that’s whEre thEy Belong…
BEHIND YOU
“
| — |
|
Alam mo yung feeling na binigyan ka ng taong mahal mo ng lugar pero hindi mo alam kung saan?
“
| — | @iloveBobOng |
